No Such Thing as a Quiet Night In
by Tanba Josav
Summary: The Doctor promised Clara he would spend a quiet night in the TARDIS but can you really trust the Doctor? After all we always have to remember rule number one. COMPLETE


No Such Thing as a Quiet Night In

DISCLAIMER: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC and thank you RTD for helping to bring him back. This is an exercise of love and no money is being made from it.

* * *

'Doctor?'

The Doctor's head popped up from the staircase leading to the lower levels of the console room, like a startled meerkat. His eyes began darting about, looking for Clara.

'Are you in there?' Her voice echoed from the corridor leading back into the TARDIS.

'Ah.' He bounded up the stairs two at a time and began looking about. It was the middle of the night and the Doctor couldn't work out why Clara was up. Weren't humans supposed to sleep at least four hours a day?

The Doctor raced quickly around the console looking for something to do before Clara entered the room. Spinning in place he glanced over at where Clara had been sitting earlier that day. Half hidden under her abandoned jacket was a book. Picking it up the Doctor tried leaning casually against the side console. His elbow skittered along the edge flipping several switches and causing the TARDIS lights to momentarily dim.

'Stop it,' he grumbled at the TARDIS as he straightened up. 'I'm trying to be cool.'

'There you are!'

The Doctor opened the book as Clara entered the room and began pretending to read.

'Didn't you hear me?' Clara asked as she walked down the staircase.

'Hmm?' The Doctor looked up from the book and grinned at his friend. 'Clara! What are you doing up?'

'Didn't you feel –' Clara's eyes drifted down to the book in the Doctor's hands. 'What are you doing?'

'What?' the Doctor reached up to take off his glasses, only to realise he wasn't wearing them. He tried to hide his mistake by brushing his hair back off his forehead instead. 'I'm reading, Clara, I thought that would be obvious. Reading is cool.'

'Everyone knows that,' Clara replied. 'I was referring to the fact you seem to be reading upside down.'

'I'm not –' the Doctor looked down at his hands to see he was holding the book the wrong way up. 'Well, of course. I've already read this one so I thought I might try it upside down, just to see if the ending changes.'

Clara just rolled her eyes.

'I saw that!' the Doctor slammed the book shut and dropped it on the console. 'What are you doing up, is it morning already?'

'What are you talking about?' Clara asked. 'Didn't you feel that?'

'Hmm?'

'The – the,' Clara waved an arm trying to describe what had happened. 'The space turbulence, it woke me up. Honestly, Doctor, this is why I prefer to sleep in my own bed back on Earth.'

'Space turbulence?' the Doctor began to laugh. 'Clara, Clara, there is no such thing, especially not in the TARDIS.'

'Oh really?' Clara thumped her hand firmly on the TARDIS console. Much to the Doctor's horror, who immediately reached out and patted the spot better. 'What would you call it then?'

'Well,' the Doctor scratched his cheek vigorously. 'Evasive manoeuvres?'

Clara's eyes widened. 'What did you do?'

'No, no, no, it's not that bad.' The Doctor made placating gestures at Clara. 'Don't think escaping exploding spaceships, it's more like dodging asteroids . . . while escaping exploding spaceships.'

Clara folded her arms and glared at the Doctor.

Her gaze was so intense that he started shifting his weight from foot to foot, while rubbing his hands together nervously. 'What are you doing?' he pointed a finger at Clara. 'What's with the squinty thing? Why are your eyes going all wrinkly?'

Arms still folded Clara turned her back on the Time Lord and began walking around the console, the Doctor following her at a safe distance.

'"Goodnight" I said,' Clara snapped, '"just popping off to bed" I said. "Going to do anything interesting while I'm asleep?"' Clara dropped her voice to imitate the Doctor. '"Oh no" he said, "think I'll just fine tune the TARDIS or something".' She stopped and spun on her heel suddenly. 'And what do you call exploding spaceships and dodging asteroids then?'

The Doctor smothered a startled yelp as he almost walked into Clara. 'Or something, I distinctly remember saying or something.'

'Just what exactly were you up to tonight?' Clara asked.

'Well –' a big grin began to spread across the Doctor's face as images of dodging small arms fire from chasing security guards, running down corridors and escaping exploding spaceships ran through his mind.

'_Ahem!_'

The grin faded from the Doctor's face and he straightened up as he caught yet another of Clara's patented glares. 'Nothing, I did nothing,' he said. 'It was just a quiet night in, scout's honour.' He held up one hand, the first two fingers crossed over each other.

Clara raised an eyebrow and nodded at his hand. The Doctor uncrossed his fingers and waved a casual salute at Clara.

'Well who were you talking to then?' she asked.

'Talking to?' the Doctor countered. 'Well I, no, what, no,' the Doctor folded his arms and leant back on the TARDIS console. 'I wasn't talking to anyone.'

'Well you were talking to someone, I heard you.'

The Doctor made a quiet huffing noise and turned his back on Clara to fiddle with the console. 'Well if you must know I was bored,' he muttered.

'I'm sorry, what?'

The Doctor spun around '_Bored_! You were asleep and I had no one to talk to so,' he shrugged, 'I talk to myself.'

Clara stifled a giggle when she saw the serious expression on the Doctor's face. 'Oh you are impossible.' She said affectionately.

'You can talk.'

'What?'

The Doctor looked a little nervous and turned back to the console again. 'Nothing.'

Clara sighed and decided to let that comment pass for now. 'For a minute there I thought you had someone else.'

The Doctor stopped fiddling and turned to frown at Clara. 'Why would you think that?'

Clara shrugged. 'I dunno, I'm gone for days at a time and even when I am here I have to sleep,' she grinned at the Doctor. 'After all I am only human.'

'Yes,' the Doctor smiled back affectionately. 'Yes you are!'

'So it got me thinking. You could have a whole bunch of other people in here and I would never know it. You could have us in shifts, them asleep when I'm awake and vice versa.'

'Clara, Clara,' the Doctor walked over to stand in front of her. 'You're more than enough for me.'

Clara arched an eyebrow. 'I should think so to.'

'Besides, I've done the whole more than one person thing in the TARDIS before, I've had a _gang_; it gets too complicated remembering all those names.'

'Really?' Clara was curious, the Doctor rarely talked about other people in the TARDIS. 'Who?'

The Doctor gave a small pained smile and slung an arm over Clara's shoulders. 'You should go back to bed, there's a lot of things to do tomorrow.'

'Wait, hang on.' Clara protested as the Doctor started walking her towards the stairs. 'Who's been here before?'

'Yes,' he continued as they walked up the stairs. 'I thought we might go swimming on a water planet or maybe have high tea with the Queen. I don't know which one, the red-headed one. No, not her she's cross with me at the moment; can't remember why. What other queens are there?'

'But what about the other people?' Clara asked.

'Or we could visit the moons of Saint Pelsior, they're very nice this time of year. Ooh, there is this quaint little tea shop on the planet Xx'racoss, well I call it a tea shop they don't actually sell any tea more like a glutinous acid which would kill you on the spot if you tried drinking it, never mind forget I mentioned the tea shop.'

Clara sighed as they reached the top of the stairs. 'We're not going to talk about the other people, are we?'

The Doctor shook his head. 'No.'

'We're just going to pretend this conversation never happened and you're going to send me off to bed like some little child.'

The Doctor nodded. 'Yes.' He thought about what he had just said. 'Maybe, look do I need to read you a bedtime story or something?'

'Bedtime story?' Clara shrugged off the Doctor's arm from around her shoulders. 'I think I'm a little old for bedtime stories, Doctor.'

The Doctor folded his arms and leant in close to Clara. 'No one is too old for a good bedtime story.' He informed her.

Clara tilted her head to one side and conceded. 'True, but good bedtime stories are all about action and adventures, that's why I'm here. Why talk about it when you can be living it.'

The Doctor straightened up. 'My thoughts exactly, but to have adventures you need to sleep! Can't have you yawning through all the excitement, trying to fall asleep in the middle of a good chase can we?'

'Well,' Clara placed a hand on one hip and arched her eyebrow at him. 'Maybe you should make sure and tuck me into bed.'

The Doctor smiled at Clara before her words caught up with his brain and he began to frown. 'Wait, no, what? Stop it!' getting flustered he began to smooth down the front of his jacket, and then fiddled with his bowtie.

Giggling at his discomfort, Clara decided to go easy on her friend. 'Fine, I'll go to bed then but I don't expect I'll get any more sleep.' Reaching out Clara grabbed the Doctor by his jacket and pulled him closer towards her. 'Now, no more exploding spaceships or saving the universe. In fact don't do anything exciting until morning, am I clear?'

'Yes, off you go.' The Doctor said, placing his hands on her shoulders and kissing her on the forehead. 'Night, night.'

Clara smiled affectionately at her friend as he stood back up. 'Goodnight Doctor, again.'

* * *

The Doctor watched as Clara disappeared down the corridor towards the interior of the TARDIS.

'Well she seems nice.' A voice said from behind him.

The Doctor spun around and glared down at the curly haired woman standing in front of the console with a battered rucksack at her feet. 'River!' he hissed as he raced down the stairs, grabbing the handrails at the last minute he launched off the last four steps to land in front of her. 'Quiet, she might hear you.'

'That might be fun.' Professor River Song replied with a smirk as she pushed the rucksack further under the TARDIS console with her foot. 'Maybe we should call her back.' She began to walk towards the stairs.

The Doctor grabbed her by the arm and turned her towards him. 'No, no,' he dropped her arm and walked back to the TARDIS console.

River began drifting around the console after the Doctor flicking a switch here, turning a dial there. 'She doesn't know anything about me, does she?'

'What?' The Doctor looked insulted at the suggestion. 'Of course she does.'

'Oh,' River continued flicking switches. 'What have you told her then?'

'You know,' the Doctor realised what River was doing and began flicking the switches back into their original positions. 'Stuff.'

'Just stuff?'

'Yes, stuff! River Song stuff.' The Doctor made a mental note to mention River to Clara as soon as possible.

'That I'm your wife?' River asked, trying to catch the Doctor's eye. 'That I am Amy and Rory's daughter?'

The Doctor avoided looking at River. 'Oh shut up.'

'I saw them you know.' River said, quietly. 'It took me a while but I managed to work my way to about six years after the Weeping Angels sent them back.' She watched as the Doctor walked around the far side of the console. 'Did you hear me?'

The Doctor stopped flicking switches and leant both arms on the TARDIS console; he lowered his head so River couldn't look him in the face.

'Doctor, are you listening to me?'

The Doctor stood very still, just staring in front of him. 'You saw them?' he finally said.

River let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. 'Yes.'

The Doctor sniffed and cleared his throat. 'Did they see you?' he asked, without looking up.

'Rory did, we talked briefly. We decided not to tell Amy; somehow we felt it would have hurt her more that you weren't there.'

The Doctor pushed away from the console and turned his back on River. He walked over to where he had previously left Clara's book and picked it up.

'Rory gave me a couple of photographs of them if you want to . . .' the end of her sentence faded away as the Doctor dropped the book onto the floor. He tucked his left arm tight against his chest and buried his face into his right hand. 'You know, Sweetie,' she sighed as she looked at this forlorn figure standing over on the other side of the room, 'for a time traveler you're very bad at looking back on things.'

Lifting his head to stare at the far wall, the Doctor's bark of laughter was short and without humour. He tucked his hands under his armpits and shifted his weight from foot to foot.

'They say time heals all.' River said. 'Does it?'

The Doctor turned his head to finally look sideways at River Song. 'River,' he said. 'I'm a selfish, old man. They're your parents. You must miss them.'

River smiled sadly. 'Every day.'

The Doctor sniffed and cleared his throat. He then brushed a stray tear from his eye, looking at it like it was some sort of rare and exotic jewel. 'How are they?' he finally asked.

River smiled as she thought back to the conversation with her father. 'Happy,' she said. 'Rory was worried about how they would survive but it turns out they inherited a house and a large amount of money from his father.' She tilted her head to one side. 'Imagine that, considering he wouldn't even have been born in that time.'

The beginning of a smug smile crossed the Doctor's face. 'It was Brian's idea, when I explained what happened to . . .' the Time Lord's voice caught for a moment before he could continue, 'Amy and Rory he suggested I go back in time to before they disappeared and invest some money. Of course, I had to borrow it from Brian.' The Doctor sighed at the memory. 'I seem to make a habit of that.'

River raised an eyebrow. 'I think I might like my grandfather.'

'Behave yourself, and one day I might introduce you to him.' The Doctor turned and frowned at River. 'Wait a minute; I don't remember anything about a house. What did you do?'

'Oops,' River said without even a smidgeon of remorse. 'You're not the only one with ideas, Sweetie.'

The Doctor narrowed his eyes and glared at the woman in front of him. 'River!' he growled.

'Well they had to put the children somewhere.'

'What children?'

'Rory explained why I was an only child,' River shrugged, 'neither of them really knew what they would do with their new lives, and so they decided to foster some of the more . . . wayward children that no one else wanted.' River smiled as she recalled the conversation. 'Rory said something about Amy's plan to teach them toughness by raising them Scottish.'

The Doctor smile matched River's as he recalled Amy's stubbornness and feisty nature. 'An army of Ponds.' He said quietly.

'The thing is, Sweetie,' River said, 'they are happy and they want you to be too.' She glanced back towards the stairs. 'And I am glad to see you took Amy's advice regarding being alone.'

The Doctor slowly began moving around the TARDIS console. 'I didn't want to at first but Clara wore me down.'

'Clara,' River tried out the name slowly. 'Does she keep you out of trouble?'

'More like rescues me from trouble.'

River smiled a little in approval. 'I think I might like her, too.'

The Doctor thought of what might happen if Clara and River ever met. 'That's more trouble than even I can handle.'

'Me, trouble?' River laughed. 'Never!'

The Doctor opened his mouth to reply when a loud cracking noise echoed about the console room. 'What was that?' he asked.

River looked innocently at the Doctor. 'What was what?'

There was another slightly quieter crack that seemed to come from below the TARDIS console. 'That!'

River fluffed up her hair a little. 'I don't know what you're talking about.'

The Doctor bent down sharply and peered under the console, just in time to see River pushing the rucksack out of his direct line of sight with her foot. 'River!' he growled, standing up and at the last moment remembering to lean backwards before he cracked his head on the underside of the panel.

River sighed and dropped the innocent act, she knew the Doctor would never go for it and besides it never really suited her personality anyway. 'Fine,' she declared as she bent down and picked up the rucksack from the floor and dumped it on the console.

The Doctor moved over to stand by River Song as he looked from the rucksack to her. 'You had that when I rescued you.'

'Rescue?' River snorted. 'My love, you were the chauffeur.'

The Doctor opened and closed his mouth before scrunching up his face. 'I _always_ fall for that.'

'I know,' River reached out and patted the Doctor's face. 'That's one of the things I really like about you.'

The Doctor gave a half smile and arched an eyebrow. 'There's more than one?'

'Oh don't start.'

They both turned and looked at the rucksack.

The Doctor frowned as he drummed his fingers on the console. 'You had that onboard the ship.' He lifted the bag, judging its weight. 'But it was lighter then.' He turned and glared at River. 'Did you steal something from the museum?'

'Private collection.' River corrected him, 'And is it exactly stealing when they stole it first?'

'Stealing is stealing, so yeah,' the Doctor said, 'pretty sure it is.'

'You can talk.' River patted the TARDIS console.

The Doctor growled as he set the rucksack gently down. 'What did you . . . _borrow_ then?'

'Borrowing implies I intend to give it back. And if you're so curious why don't you open the bag?'

The Doctor looked from River to the rucksack, his fingers almost twitching at the possibilities of what might be hidden within.

'Oh just look inside.' Exasperated River snapped at him.

The Doctor reached out and unbuckled the two straps that held the bag closed. Then with a glance at River he flung the canvas top open to reveal a large fawn coloured egg.

'Okay,' the Doctor looked from the egg to River. 'Not what I was expecting.'

'Magnificent isn't it?' River asked.

'River, it's an egg!' the Doctor couldn't believe that River had risked her life for this, not to mention potentially risking _his_ life and had woken Clara for an oversized breakfast staple.

'Oh it's not just any old egg,' River said. She leant in and whispered into the Doctor's ear. 'It's a _dragon egg_.'

A small giggle escaped the Doctor before he considered the woman standing in front of him more carefully and realised she was serious. 'River, there is no such thing.'

River smiled at the Time Lord. 'Surely, even you haven't seen everything in the universe, Doctor.' She spoke seductively.

'Well,' the Doctor squeaked and quickly cleared his throat as he smoothed his bow tie. 'Not everything. But I can make an educated guess.'

'Oh well,' River stepped back from the Doctor, her voice rising to its normal pitch. 'That's what it said on the display case.'

'Yes, but why an egg?'

River shrugged. 'Let's just say I have a thing for one of a kind treasures.'

The Doctor reached into the bag and rested his fingers on the shell. It was warm to the touch and he could just faintly make out a tentative vibration from within. 'It's alive.'

'Yes,' River reached into the bag and rested her hands alongside the Doctor's. 'That might explain the stasis field.'

The Doctor withdrew his hand. 'Did you know it was alive, that it might hatch? River, did you even think things through?'

River pulled her hands out of the bag, also. 'You know me, Sweetie, I'm so impulsive.'

The Doctor slipped Amy's old glasses out, put them on and leaned in to look more closely at the egg, he was certain he could see the beginning of small hairline cracks snaking across the light brown surface. 'Dragon egg.' He said dismissively.

'Dinosaur then?' River suggested.

'No.' The Doctor stood back and looked at the egg thoughtfully. He pulled off the glasses and stowed them safely away in the inner pocket of his purple jacket next to his sonic screwdriver.

River smiled slowly. 'You don't have the faintest idea what it is, do you?'

The Doctor tilted his head slightly in acknowledgement.

'Don't you just love it, the mystery of it all?' she asked him.

'Oh you bad, bad girl.' The Doctor said, suddenly realising what River was up to. 'Did you do this for me?'

River smiled and shrugged. 'Thought you might like a surprise.'

'Like we don't have enough mystery in our relationship already.' The Doctor looked from River to the egg. 'You bought me an egg!'

'Bought, stole,' River glanced almost nervously at the Doctor, 'do you like?'

'Do I like?' the Doctor walked away from River and began flicking switches on the TARDIS console.

'What are you doing?' River asked as she watched the Doctor consult something on one of the small monitors before seeming to reach a decision. 'Doctor, you're not seriously thinking of taking it back are you?'

Instead of answering the Doctor pushed the monitor away from him causing it to spin around the console; River reached out and caught the screen before it could pass her. Curiously she looked at what it displayed. It was the coordinates for a planet. 'Low gravity,' she read off the monitor, 'no advanced civilisation –'

'Wide open spaces, lots of trees,' the Doctor continued for her, 'and the occasional large herbivore to snack on.'

'Perfect for a dragon.' River said as she smiled at the Doctor.

'Or a dinosaur,' the Doctor answered as the TARDIS spun them through space. 'Or a leprechaun, or whatever is in that egg.'

'You're going to let it hatch.'

'Its already hatching, River, we can't stop it.' The Doctor continued to move about the console twirling dials and flicking switches as he went. 'Might as well find a good home while we wait.'

'We're going to hatch an egg.'

'We're going to hatch an egg!' the Doctor looked over at River. 'That's almost domestic; I wonder if it will take after me?'

'Oh I hope not, Sweetie, one bowtie wearing idiot at a time.' She ignored the Doctor's huff of irritation. 'Should we wake your little friend?'

The Doctor looked thoughtfully at the doorway leading to the rest of the TARDIS interior. 'Better not,' he decided. 'Let's leave this one to the grownups, eh?'

River laughed quietly. 'Oh, you're so bad at sharing.'

'Would you have me any other way?' he asked as the rotor stopped moving, indicating they had landed.

'You're such a bad influence.' River said, as the Doctor picked up the rucksack and headed for the door. 'I thought you promised Clara you'd stay in and not do anything exciting?'

The Doctor hesitated at the threshold of the TARDIS and looked back at River Song. 'It's just an egg hatching, how hard could that be?'

River mock gasped. 'Now, you've done it. Something's bound to go wrong now.'

The Doctor just smiled at the idea. 'Come along, Song.' He ordered as he strode out the door.

Instead of immediately following the Doctor, River looked about the console room. With a slight wistful smile she reached into her jacket and pulled out two photographs. They both were of Amy and Rory sitting on the steps in front of a large brick house. The first photo showed the pair smiling at the camera with their arms slung around each others shoulders. The second was a more candid shot, Amy had her head thrown back caught by the camera in mid laugh with Rory gazing lovingly at her.

River held the two photos in her hand, trying to decide which one to keep. In the end she placed the second photograph back in her jacket and tucked the first one into the corner of the monitor. She knew the Doctor would find it eventually, and if he was lucky he might even catch sight of it before Clara did.

A faint roaring sound quickly followed by the Doctor's panicky bellow of 'River!' floating in from outside bought a smile to River's face.

'Coming, my love.' She yelled back at him as she exited the TARDIS.


End file.
